I jumped up in a panic. I have sixth sense about many things and this time the little voice in my head whispered that this was going to be very bad... I ran to my purse grabbing for my passport. I have changed my Driver's License since getting hitched but was holding off on getting my passport changed because it needed to be sent away for several weeks, while awaiting the new one. What I thought was diligence and being proactive in the event we had little time to prepare for a trip to the Bahamas, turned out to be one of the most costly and stressful mistakes of my life.
I didn't need to look at my passport to know what it said, I guess I was going through the motions for a more dramatic effect. I knew that my passport expired in one month and that was going to cause a big problem getting to the Bahamas in 10 days.
Rewind...
Our Travel Agent for our Wedding made a notation to our Wedding guests that the Dominican Republic (where we selfishly made all of our guests travel for our nuptials) required a passport that does not expire within six months of your arrival date. To be honest, I saw this as a lot of words and unnecessary math for a Bride-to-Be, so I paid little attention. Little did I know...
Fast Forward, one year later...
Google, who had been our Bahamas Guru, clearly stated that the Bahamas had the same restrictions. I could absolutely, undeniably NOT travel to the Bahamas with my current passport. However, we had already received confirmation that BHD was making our travel arrangements (and were probably doing so at that very moment) Come the next morning, we would be on the hook for providing legitimate passport information. We had to think fast. We couldn't explain the situation to BHD because we would be exposed for the dummies we are. We couldn't let them purchase the ticket with the expired passport info, and then pray for their forgiveness if I wound up passport-less at the last moment! Holy crap, this was the dilemma of a lifetime. My first instinct was to get in the shower and cry my eyes out, so I did.
Immersed in steam and "scents of relaxation" body soap, I had an overwhelming calming sense that everything would be okay. I'm not blind to the fact that God is like Oz behind the controls of my opening and closing doors so when he tells me to chill out, I listen. I calmly stepped out of the hot shower; dried myself and my tears; and returned to my spot on the couch. I told Travis not to worry. It didn't matter the cost, or inconvenience, I would figure out how to guarantee myself a passport by the time BHD came calling in the morning.
Day One:
I don't tend to sleep well when my life is out of whack. That's the first part of my life that gets interrupted. So I spent my quiet hours while the world was still slumbering, dong my research. Expediting your passport can be some shady business and I live in the capital of shady town, USA so this was going to be interesting. I went over our options while walking Bob, that frigid Wednesday morning. We could come clean now, saving any backpedaling down the line, and share that I had an issue with my passport and stop BHD from booking my flight. This would require me to stay home while Trav made all of our future life decisions. I wouldn't know what to expect until I was fresh off the boat, arriving island side. My Type A personality shuddered and shoved this option to the bottom of the list. The only other option was to plan a separate trip, at our own cost, back to the island at a later date. This could cost over a thousand dollars to make it happen in the time frame we needed to make a decision, and still wouldn't resolve the passport issue. I had to do what it took to have a passport in my hand in 10 days.
I settled on a passport expeditor and after several phone conversations was advised that I would have my passport, in hand, in 10 days (with a name change due to the recent marriage) for a steep price of $280 which does not include the passport processing fee of $170. Done and done. Of course, before any of the process can even be started, I have to turn over my credit card. I closed my eyes and prayed hard for the best. We were ready for BHD to call with travel plans, we were ready for our trip to the Bahamas.
I ran all over town that day getting everything I needed in-line to mail in. My printer broke that very morning, so Travis had to fill out the electronic form from work, and print it out, while I relayed details over the phone. I then had my passport photos taken, which is a story in itself.
I'm the queen of terrible photographs and a passport photo sticks with you for 10 years. I actually did my hair and make-up for this event which, if you know me, requires extreme motivation. I got to CVS and looking back, I know the kid was messing with me for being that jerk that gets ready for her passport photo, but as he's about to snap the shot, he says "oh, no smiling". What? How come? I would like my outward image to project that I'm a much happier person then I really am, so what's the problem? His response was that it was required that my ears be visible in the photo. Ok, well, when I don't smile, my face seems to droop like I have an ever-present facial abnormality so I was already doomed; and to kick me while I'm down, the kids says "I still can't see your ears" on his next attempt. So I have to physically yank my hair back & pile it behind my ears, all while not smiling, and he catches me mid-blink. No, I don't want to see it. Just tell me how much I owe you. Jerk.
I now have the issue of the marriage certificate because I only have one copy. I'm not sure what else in our future life will require this document; not to mention, this is a pretty important moment, but as an only-child, I don't part with anything easily. It took me half the day to confirm that the original would be mailed back to me with my new fancy passport. A minor victory of the day.
Believe it or not, the only part of my package I wasn't able to complete was the travel itinerary because we still hadn't received it from BHD. It was ironic that I needed to pick and pay for the fastest service because we thought we would be on the hook for travel documents first thing that morning. Now, those exact travel documents were holding up the passport, that I had already paid for. This was the most vicious circle of all. I took a deep breath, I had been assured that if I got the package in the mail the next day, we would still be on track...
Day Two:
Not hearing anything from BHD and needing to get my documents in the mail by noon, Travis reached out, and in response was sent a couple of flight options for the upcoming trip. Each trip had 8-hour lay-overs, each way. The Bahamas is a 3-hour direct flight from New York. There must be some mistake. Travis responded but we didn't hear back. The longer I held my passport documents, they burned a hole in my hands. I called an agent at the passport expeditor and advised that I was having difficulty obtaining the travel documents and they assured me it wasn't an issue. I was promised that I still had time to get them the documents to receive the turn around for my trip...
Day Four:
My $450 dollar passport documents are four days old and pushing expiration. Travis had to pressure BHD and advise that we needed to make arrangements as soon as possible. They sent new flights for our review and things were looking up. They were all direct flights so we were steps closer to getting the travel itinerary I needed to get my documents in.
Travis mentioned that I should probably call to check in again with the passport service to advise we had big hopes of getting the package in the mail that day. I felt strongly opposed to calling again since I had just called the day before, but decided to do it any way, just to show I was doing all I could to make this happen. The gentleman on the phone, very rudely, told me that I had already "missed my appointment, which would incur an additional $100 fee". Additionally, I was "out of luck" because there wouldn't be another appointment until after my travel date. He was making it very clear that it was now impossible to get me a passport in the time-frame I needed, and instead of a refund, I actually owed them more money. You're joking right? Where's Ashton Kutcher because I am definitely getting punked right now. Too baffled to be pissed, I calmly explained to the gentleman that I had been actively calling throughout this process and have never been advised that my appointment was in jeopardy. My voice may have elevated a few octaves when he then advised me that my representative, William, had noted in the file that he had specifically mentioned that important detail to me. It's funny he should mention William, at that moment, because I did in fact receive an email earlier in this process that I had been assigned a "representative" which I found simply delightful until I tried calling Mr. William. His "direct line" is coincidentally, exactly the same as the main line, which just bounces from representative to representative. Who, like sirens of the deep, incorrectly advise "you can speak to William if you need to, but I can certainly help you". I had tried emailing William my questions but these went unanswered. In previous attempts, I had called and asked for William but was told he was on another line and there is no voice message system. The woman so graciously offered to "walk a post-it over to his desk". When I explained these issues to the gentleman who was now trying to gouge me for more money, he said "well, I'm not calling you a liar BUT...your file says William is the only person you have spoken to". I corrected him, still unbelievably calm, and assured him that this was quite impossible. As I'm quite positive the mother of the woman that helped me yesterday did not name her child William. I would also be more then happy to share my emails that were sent to William (that were never answered), with a Supervisor, if need be. He then told me I needed to relax, a woman's universal trigger, which stunned me to silence. As I was asking him to clarify his new found balls, I was interrupted with hold music. I might have subconsciously gripped the closest knife I had in the kitchen as hard as I could.
William's voice burst through the hold music like an angel through the darkness, as he introduced himself and got caught up on the situation. I had relayed the events very calmly and clearly, for which he immediately apologized and removed the $100 fee for the inconvenience. He apologized for the unanswered emails and explained the current dilemma. It was going to cost me an additional $50 to get this passport in time, since my new appointment (which William so graciously "searched and searched" for) would require a shorter processing time, but once the documents were received, I shouldn't have a problem getting this expedited. I sang William's praises and thanked him so much for saving my trip, and my life. It was after I had hung up that I realized I had "sucker" written all over my forehead. Sick me with your bad cop and scare me to death with $100 in cra-cra fees, and no passport; and then send the good cop in who saves the day with a shiny new passport and it's only $50 extra.. What a bargain! Damn, they were good.
At 8:30pm, Travis and I received our travel itineraries for travel to the Bahamas. The clock was ticking. The moment the UPS store opened the next morning, we mailed the passport documents.
The following Thursday, five days before travel, I received an email that my package would arrive that day by 3p. I jumped up every time I heard a truck outside and due to that down-stairs neighbor vendetta I mentioned earlier, I didn't want my valuable item landing on their porch to be tampered with. By 2:45p my legs were sore and there was no package. I had even run downstairs half a dozen times just to make sure. By 4:30p, I began to worry that my precious package had been intercepted by my arch nemesis's. They had taken my packages before, brought them inside their apartment, and then tossed them back out a few days later. I was half-waiting for the notification that the package had been delivered and was prepared to break a window when it wasn't there. At 6pm, I saw it. Like a ray of sunshine peering through the clouds, my golden ticket had arrived.
Read Next: #7- Is it better in the Bahamas?, Mar 13
